Quivering Before The Sun // Notes on Marriage and Initiation


When I open my eyes tomorrow, I will wake up the same as the man I was yesterday, though only subtly different from the man I was the day before then, and the day before that, in a measured sequence of days, turning into weeks, into months, and years. It is in that measure space of time, I may have noticed some difference. From being a younger and more immature version of myself, less interested in permanent pursuits and more in glimpses of excitement here and there. I will not deny the worth of either. I have a strong idea, maybe a delusion, that I have always been who I am, whether I realized it or not, which is probably true and false, whether I am honestly aware of who I really am in terms of my talents and limitations, or whether it is all some hubris mixed with occasional crippling lack of confidence. It feels redundant to express, and maybe that’s all-rite.

But I will wake up tomorrow as a married man, not freshly, but one year in. An insignificant date in the grand piacture, but that doesn’t matter. It is not meant to be compared. It is a victory to anyone living in the world today to commit to such a thing. Marriage itself is an initiation, and something that grounds the one to another, and ties them to something greater than themselves simply in the power of its gesture.

Obviously, or so I like to believe, me and my wife could have gone a full lifetime without tying the knot. It is by no means necessary to prove our devotion to one another by marriage in and by itself, but it remains a powerful gesture, whether spiritually or legally, and I do believe it is also a gesture of maturity. Marriage is not just a one-time event, but cyclical feast, as the marriage itself will no doubt go through many cycles, good and bad seasons. Marriage is by definition initiatory. The bachelor and the virgin (hopefully) dies, the couple is reborn. Again tomorrow, and hopefully for may years to come, every May morn until the life leaves us.

We quiver towards the dawn
New lights in this moment
Change the colors on the sky
Enjoy the difference in the depths,
And there are no more eyes
Staring towards us
Or below us
We just want to see, just see, just see
What must happen.
We will let the sun meet the gazes
Shaking accordingly
Feel bodies filled by the prickling.
It is all we can ask
We are here to learn and see
New demands turn to steps
We are here to observe
A process is put into motion
We are here to breathe and laugh
All powers are present
We are here to love
All shadows turn to light!

Vi er bevende mot soloppgang
Nye lys i denne stund
Forandrer fargene på himmelen
Nyte skiftet i avgrunn
Og det finns ingen flere øyne
Stirrende mot oss
Eller under oss
Vi vil bare se, bare se, bare se
Hva som må skje
Vi vil la solen møte blikkene
Dirre lett alt ettersom
Kjenne kropper fylt av stikkene
Det er alt vi kan be om
Vi er her for å lære og se
Nye fordrer blir til steg
Vi er her for å observere
En prosess settes i veg
Vi er her for å puste og le
Alle krefter er i hus
Vi er her for å elske
Alle skygger blir til lys!